just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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