I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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