My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
