Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
