i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
