the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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