I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
