last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
