I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
