Whod you bang
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
