Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
