There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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