nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
