I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
