Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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