I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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