my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
