Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
