first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have demons in me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
