You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
