I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
