I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize