Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
