I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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