I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
