Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
