yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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