you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
