my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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