you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
