we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
