So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
