You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
