There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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