You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
