...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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