she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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