you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
