Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
