dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
