Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
