I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
