omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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