My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
