why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize