If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
