there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
