oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
