Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
