I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
