new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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