Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
