Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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