Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
