how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
