I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
