I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
