what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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