i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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