I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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