Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
