Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
