i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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