Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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