Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
