Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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